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🛸 ALIEN SQUIRKO — MISSION 🐄
To boldly investigate where no squirrel has investigated before... despite repeatedly insisting that he is absolutely, positively, unquestionably a squirrel.
Squirko has been assigned to explore the strange little blue planet known as Earth, document its customs, study its inhabitants, and determine why humans willingly surrender perfectly good food to creatures they call “pets.”
His primary objectives are to uncover the mysteries of The Duck Pond, investigate Earth's suspiciously abundant acorn supply, and gather enough intelligence to finally answer the universe's greatest unanswered question:
What the duck is a squirrel, anyway?
Unfortunately, Squirko's research methods include unauthorized tractor-beam experiments, occasional livestock acquisition, pushing buttons clearly labeled DO NOT PUSH, and making first contact without informing literally anybody.
Still, beneath the questionable science and several intergalactic incidents that remain classified, Squirko has one true mission:
Explore the unknown. Befriend the unusual. Cause a reasonable amount of cosmic chaos. And leave every world a little happier than he found it.
Official Mission Status:
🌎 Earth — Investigation Ongoing
🐄 Cow — Returned... probably
🌰 Acorns — Extremely Promising
🦆 Duck Pond — Suspicious as hell
🌠 The Squirrel Who
Fell From the Stars 🌠
Nobody at The Duck Pond actually saw Squirko arrive.
There was a flash in the night sky, a suspiciously loud WHOOOOMP, and the next morning they found a strange little creature sitting in a smoking crater, calmly insisting that he was a squirrel.
The ducks pointed out the obvious problems with this claim: the bill, the feathers, the webbed feet, and the complete absence of anything resembling a fluffy tail. Squirko dismissed every bit of evidence as “primitive Earth science” and explained that squirrels look different where he comes from.
According to Squirko, he had been traveling through the galaxy on a highly classified mission when his spacecraft encountered what he describes only as “an unexpected gravity situation.” The ship disappeared, his navigation equipment exploded, and somehow he ended up falling through Earth’s atmosphere like a tiny extraterrestrial meteor.
Rather than attempt to return home, Squirko decided The Duck Pond was clearly where the universe intended him to be.
He has lived there ever since—conducting mysterious experiments, causing occasional cosmic disturbances, and correcting absolutely anyone foolish enough to call him a duck.
Because Squirko knows exactly what he is.
A squirrel.
And he will accept no further questions. 🐿️🛸✨
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